The Greatest Idea Ever!
by PaigeCullen2
Summary: Random story about Twilight. I was bored so I wrote it. All characters. Everyone gets their own crazy ideas! Really funny. Contains some BD spoilers. I promise the story is wayyy better than summary thought. Please read it R
1. Emmett's Idea

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight because I'm not Stephenie Meyer!**

**A/N: Story takes place after Breaking Dawn if you haven't read it, don't read this unless you want spoilers! Don't say I didn't warn you….**

Edward pov.

"I just had the best idea ever!" Emmett squealed from the living room. Bella shrugged and walked over to go see what was happening. Normally I don't bother with Emmett's crazy schemes but since Bella was interested, so was I. "Are you sure you want me to do this?" Jasper was holding on to Emmett's arm. "Uh boys, what's going on?" Bella asked. I walked over to Bella and put my arm around her waist. "We are about to answer a burning question" Emmett yelled. He was standing on a table. What a maniac. "Oh and what is that" Alice said. By now Alice, Rosalie, Renesme, and Jacob had came into the room. "EMMETT CULLEN GET OFF THAT TABLE RIGHT NOW!" Esme must be here too. "I have always wanted to know what it feels like to get a limb ripped off" Emmet stated triumphantly "and Jasper has agreed to do it." Jasper could see Alice getting angry so I read her thoughts….

_What is that idiot thinking? Ripping his arm off! That's gotta hurt like hell! I hope it doesn't reattach because of what that jerk did to us. _

Oh, so she wasn't mad at Jasper but at Emmett. I would ask her about it later, but right now I shifted my attention to Jasper and Emmett.

"Ready one two THREE!" There was a loud ripping sound and then a sharp howl of pain. "Put it back on man!" Emmett was screaming at Jasper. Jasper was staring at Emmett's arm which now lay in his hands. _Wow that came off quite easily _he thought. I wondered why Jasper volunteered to do that in the first place. "Give me my arm back" Emmett screamed at Jasper. Jasper was running through the house with Emmett's arm above his head. Now that was a funny sight. Everyone was laughing and I think I heard Alice mutter "serves him right" then she said some unprintable words using his name quite often. Emmett had finally tackled Jasper and was trying to put his arm back on. Rosalie was kissing him all over. "Everything will be okay boo boo bear" she whispered to him as they walked to the kitchen together. What she sees in him, I'll never know.

"So Alice, what did Emmett do to Jasper this time?" I asked. I had walked over to her with Bella, she seemed curious as well. "WellfirstheputtacksinourbedsowhenwelaydowntheygetstuckinusandwespendhourspullingthemoutthenhechallengedJaspertoalightsaberfightandthenEmmettcheatedbyusinghisuglyfatfists!" **(A/N: for people who can't read that it says well first he put tacks in our bed so when we lay down they get stuck in us and we spend hours pulling them out the he challenged Jasper to a light saber fight and then Emmett cheated by using his big fat fists!)** My head started to spin. "Whoa Alice slow down" Bella and I said in unison. I didn't even want to imagine the reasons for using their bed. "Emmett is such an idiot" Bella said. "Oh I know" Alice replied, stifling a giggle. I'm sure I don't want to know. We made our way into the kitchen to see how Emmett was healing. "So we are here today with Mr. Emmett Cullen who just had his arm ripped off by his brother Jasper." Jacob was standing in front of Emmett pretending to be a newspaper reporter. Carlisle had come home once Esme had called him and explained what happened. Carlisle very interested in what was happening to Emmett, I think he thought of this as more research. He kept asking him tons of questions so fast that if they were human, they would have both died from lack of oxygen. Esme and Rosalie were walking around Carlisle to put band-aids all over Emmett's arm and Renesme was laughing hysterically at Jacob. She looked about five years old now. I wondered when she would stop growing. I hope she would outage Bella and I by much. Otherwise she would look more like a parent then we did. "GO AWAY MUTT!" Rosalie was screaming at Jacob like she usually does. "YOU ARE SO ANNOYING!" Jacob thought of a good comeback for a minute then said "hey do you know why blondes always smile during lightning storms?" _Wow dog boy has a new joke well come on let's hear it! _"They think that their picture's getting taken!" If Esme wasn't there Emmett would have ripped Jacobs head off then. I would have done it sooner if Bella and Renesme didn't love him so much. "Whoa why so angry Eddie?" Jasper shot a wave of calmness at me. I instantly felt better. "Not sure Jazz just too much Emmett right now" Bella took my hand and we ran back to our little house in the woods. We didn't have to worry about Renesme, she was safe with Jacob (who had shifted his attention to interviewing Jasper before we left). "I defiantly know one thing that will cheer you up" Bella was leading me towards the bedroom. Just then we heard a loud scream and it sounded like it was coming from Esme……

**A/N: Cliff hanger muahaha! Review please, I love you! Sorry for the shorness. Give me some ideas please.**


	2. Esme's Idea

**Disclaimer: don't own Twilight, wish I did.**

**A/N: sorry my last chapter was so short I promise this one will be longer**

Esme pov.

I couldn't believe it, I won. I was going to have my own cooking show on Food Network! I screamed loud. I guess it was a little too excited because my whole family had run into the room in a few seconds. "Ohmygosh!" Alice shrieked. "What is it Esme?" Edward and Bella had just run in. "Last month I was watching Good Eats on TV when a commercial came on for a contest that said one lucky person could win their own TV show! I entered in the contest not actually thinking I would win and then they call me! Everyone in the room was excited, even Emmett, who was still complaining of the pain in his arm. "The best part is that they can shoot the show right here in Forks!" I yelled. Everyone was swarming me saying "congratulations" and things like "wow this is amazing." Carlisle was next to me in an instant asking me when the show would start. "Three weeks" I replied. "OH MY GOSH EVERYONE OUT OF MY KITCHEN I ONLY HAVE THREE WEEKS TO PREPARE!" I was freaking out. What kind of delicious meals could I come up with in three weeks? Everyone scattered of the kitchen quickly. I grabbed some pots and pans and started to make my favorite dish, seafood medley. It was difficult and fun to make. After I was finished I had Renesme and Jacob come and taste test my dish. Of course, they loved it. "Wow Esme, this is delicious this sauce really brings out the flavor" Renesme was slowly savoring every bite. It's really hard to believe that a little girl who is only a year old, could be so intelligent. She was so beautiful, she was lucky to have Jacob. If I could have, I would have cried then. Jacob had finished his meal in about a minute. I think I heard him say "delicious" but I wasn't sure since he had his mouth full of shrimp. For three weeks I spent most of my time in the kitchen preparing meals to use on my new show. I would bake something and then my guinea pigs would eat it and then it would start all over again for every meal.

Finally the day came when I would meet the producers on the set of my show. I was so nervous; I was actually going to be on TV! Carlisle drove me to the set in his Mercedes. "Faster Carlisle come on I need to get there now" I told him. "Relax Esme" he put his hand on my leg, "we have plenty of time to get there dear." After what seemed like forever we arrived at the set. I walked as fast as I could without looking in-human. Carlisle followed behind me as I entered the front door. The building had a huge, yellow sign that said Sunnyside Entertainment. What a name for a place in cloudy, rainy, Forks.

"Well finally here the star of our show is, the amazing Esme Cullen" a redheaded man walked over to me and kissed my hand. "I am Fredrick VanHaggen, but you my dear, can call me Fred." Carlisle coughed from the back of the room. "Oh and who is this man" Fred asked. "My husband" I replied. "Oh" he looked disappointed. "Do you mind if I watch for a while" Carlisle said. "No problem" Fred said still staring at me. The name of my show is Esme's fine cooking. I told my director, Mr. Jerry, the meals I was going to prepare on my show. We got started right away. The staff was going to buy all the ingredients for my first show and we would start shooting tomorrow.

"I don't like that Fred guy" Carlisle said with sudden hate. "Oooh no need to get jealous Carlisle" I laughed. "Come on lets go home my little chef" Carlisle eased up a little. We drove home slowly, just to hold hands the whole time.

When we got home Emmett's arm was completely healed and the kids were playing some game in the living room. "Come on Bella I dared you" Emmett was standing on the table again. "EMMETT CULLEN GET OFF MY TABLE THIS INSTANT!" Emmett looked disappointed. "Aw Esme Bella refuses to do my dare" Emmett jumped down. "He wants me to go run around the town naked!" Bella was truly upset. "I'm not letting Bella do that I'll have to hear other male's thoughts" Edward explained. "New rule Emmett" Carlisle said, "no nudity."

"Aww that's the best part" Emmett said, disappointed.

The game was clearly over and everyone fanned out to go do their own things again.

The next day Carlisle had to go to work, so he just dropped me off at Sunnyside Entertainment. "Hello it's the beautiful Esme" Fred was soon by my side pulling me towards make-up. "Why thank you" I was flattered,"but I'm married, remember?" Fred frowned "ah yes I know Esme, but that fact doesn't make me like you any less" he smiled. Wow this guy was nuts! After I got out of make-up I took my place on set and smiled. I was so excited and nervous at the same time. "Three, two, one, action" the camera man pointed at me as my signal to go. "Hello my name is Esme Cullen, and today we are going to start off the show with learning how to cook chicken parmesan."

The rest of the show went by flawlessly. After two hours we had completed our first episode. "Good job Esme baby" oh boy Fred was here. "Alright time to make commercials!" We got into a limousine and drove down the street to another building. It was called Stormy Photography. Wow one extreme to the next. We took pictures for magazines and made a 3 minute commercial about my show which would be premiering in a month!

Everyday I would go down to Sunnyside Entertainment and shoot an episode. I would worry about the kids, especially Emmett. He's like the baby of the family. I always have to constantly keep my eye on him. It worried me to leave him alone for so long. I'm sure the other kids will keep in line. Well I hope so….

Two weeks later Fred suggested that do a show with a live audience. I was thrilled, and so were the kids. I just hope they aren't too excited.

"Alright Esme after you finished making your breakfast surprize I want you to take a big bite of that yummy food to show the audience that your food is the best" we were backstage right before the episode was going to be shot. "Uh I don't think I can" I had been waiting for this to happen, "I'm uh allergic to eggs" I told Fred. "Okay but next time don't make something you're allergic to" Fred was getting kind of angry. I turned around and my whole family was there to support me.

"Good luck Esme" they all whispered to me before I stepped on stage.

The show was going so well, that is until Emmett discovered that the man sitting in front of him was wearing a wig. So being Emmett he tore the man's wig off and was running around the room chanting "I took off your wig so now you're a bald guy haha." This whole time I'm on stage trying to continue cooking when Alice skips up to the stage and says "I'm so sorry Esme" she grabbed the bowl of eggs sitting next to me and started throwing them at Edward. "THERE IS NO WAY YOU ARE GOING TO DO THAT TO MY CLOTHES" Alice yelled in her high-pitched voice. I was guessing Alice had a vision about Edward doing something to her clothes by the look on her face. Soon everyone was rioting. I could hear Rosalie yelling something about how the egg was never going to come out of her hair. I rolled my eyes and walked off stage, apparently this was over. Fred came up next to me and said "hey Esme, those your kids?" I sighed, I knew this was coming. "Yes unfortunately" I replied. "Sorry babe but I gotta fire you" he was frowning. "Yeah I kind of figured that" I grabbed my purse and left. Well I wasn't sure how long it was going to take to end my show but I still love my family very much.

It took three hours for the police to calm down the audience. My children got brought in for questioning. That didn't last very long, all they had to do was bat their eyelashes a couple of times and they let them go. "Sorry" they all said in unison when they got home. "It's okay" I was still a little mad at them. Oh well I would get over it.

**A/N: so what do you think? Tell me who I should do next!**


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